My friend just won the tallest Christmas tree competition. I thought to myself, ‘How can you top that?’ He was desperate for some holiday spirit. 12. Why does Mrs. Claus always pray for a white Christmas?

So my girlfriend wanted a white Christmas…But when I came on her face that morning, she didn’t even thank me.” We know that the vast majority of our parcels are delivered on time and in perfect condition. However, we also understand, regrettably, that this will never always be the case with any delivery company. The spotty youth pointed to the Christmas mistletoe above the counter and said, “This week we have a special offer, just one kiss per meter.” Julie was a pretty 18 year old girl. In the week before Christmas she sauntered up to the curtain counter, and was trying to decide which of the many types of tinsel she would buy.We would ask you to bear with the delivery companies during busy periods, especially Christmas, and where weather is known to be causing disruption to transport and deliveries. As he struggled into consciousness through the fog of a pounding headache, his heart sank as he wondered what the hell he did last night. Santa was smart enough to stop at three hos. 10. What’s the most disappointing thing for a man on Christmas morning?

His son replied, “Oh, that! Well you see, Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your trousers off, you screamed, ‘Leave me alone, I’m married!!'” Bill stumbled to the kitchen and sure enough, there was hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the newspaper.That’s what Mrs. Claus calls it… 22. Say your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas… You can slam your laptop shut when your partner walks into the room, and you don’t get any disgusted looks. Christmas is so stupid…Whoever invented it should be nailed to a cross.” Tree-mendously Hilarious Savage Christmas Jokes Postage costs for the return of these items are your responsibility. We suggest that you obtain a receipt of posting, for your own protection, from the Post Office or other carrier, which is provided free of charge.